Starvation & Lavatory Rendezvous

Save for a couple of cheeseburgers, copious amounts of black coffee and coke floats, and five KFC brownies, I have not eaten any real food like days; that’s 96 hours more or less. In my current weight, I cannot afford to lose any more pounds. Otherwise, the wind could just easily haul me up and blow me all the way to Annapurna.

I’m quite alarmed, honestly. Given the fact that I have a very active lifestyle and my metabolism can be compared to a million-dash marathon sprinter, I don’t have any problem losing weight. At a snap of the finger *finer-snap* just like that.

My friends are terribly distressed as well. Well, only half of them, as the other half’s envious. No, make that offensively envious. In a matter of weeks, my weight had dropped by an 8-pound difference. They, of the Anorexia-Bulimia school, were so green with envy as I have their ideal weight. Without even breaking a sweat.

Meanwhile the other half of my friends threatened to force-feed me if I couldn’t gain it back the weight that I lost or if my weight would go down even further. They’re suspecting depression – AND substance abuse! Geez people, I’m not depressed, and I certainly am neither snorting stuff nor popping pills. That is so two years ago! Ha-ha.

The reason behind my tremendous weight loss is plain and simple: time. I don’t have time to eat! And oftentimes when the opportunity would present itself, my taste buds would then shut down, leading to loss of appetite. I don’t know why this is, but yes, it happens to me all the time.

Maybe my friends’ depression speculation was anchored on the fact that one of the symptoms of depression is appetite loss. I don’t want to repeat it, but I’ll repeat it anyway: I’m not depressed. More appropriately though, I’m no longer depressed.

According to some, starvation is the route to eternal bliss (read: death). However, my friends who preach the Gospel of Sivo (Self-Induced Vomiting) counter by saying that TSR (not Technical Service Rep, but Toilet Sink Rendezvous) is the route to aesthetic bliss. I’m somewhat neutral on the subject of starvation. I’m not really against starvation-as-weight-loss-regimen per se, but taking it to the extreme can be fatal. No, I change my mind: I am against starvation-as-weight-loss-regimen. There are one too many ways to lose weight. Drag your fat ass to a gym or something.

I am not one to say that starvation is bad since I, myself, am not living a healthy lifestyle; I’ve been unconsciously and inadvertently starving myself. If you choose to deprive yourself of food to maintain or hit a certain target weight, and when you finally reach it, stop there. Do not desire for more pounds to be shed, because ultimately that will backfire. Complications may arise later on, and may affect you psychologically. Too many crazy people in the world, don’t add up.

So be wary. Depriving your body all the nutrients needed would guarantee you a slot in your local necropolis. There are still other ways to chuck off that flab, but I’m not going to talk about it, there’s just too much of them. One more thing though: Remember to cut back on the carbs, protein-loading, and lots of water. (Oh, and exercise.) Since loss of essential nutrients and fluids dry up the gray matter and would definitely escort you to something worse than death: idiocy.

I’m not pretending to be a health guru here because I’m far from being one. I just want you people to be extra cautious with your chosen weight loss regimen. Like I always say, “Whatever floats your boat.” Just be responsible enough to take care of that bod.

Anyway, it’s gonna be Hello Sisig for me later! I’m going to Dencio’s!

Okay, I’m going to eat now.